With this story I am honoring my mother, and all the other wonderful mothers
who have sacrificed so much, not only for the betterment of their own family, but also for the
betterment of the community! You deserve to be celebrated today and always!
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
I usually meditate in the mornings. In meditation, I create a space to connect with my higher self, my most inner and sacred being. While meditating, I usually play a piece that is very special to me. It’s called the Hymn to the Divine Mother, the Devi Prayer.*
I’d been listening to it for a long time, but truthfully it had never occurred to me to figure out the meaning of the words. The song is not written in English, or any language that I could recognize. I found out it was written in Sanskrit, which is the language of nature itself and has profound healing power.
Every time I listen to the hymn I am overcome by a feeling of infinite love. It feels like being wrapped in a warm soft blanket – safe and completely at peace. I cried the first time I heard it. I didn’t cry from sadness. I cried from an emotion deep inside that touched every fiber of my being, reaching all the way to my very soul. It was incredible. It was something I had never felt before.
One spring morning in May of 2020, while the pandemic was continuing to wreak havoc on our communities, I felt compelled to search for the meaning of the words.
Why was it so important to understand this message?
I guess I was searching for something to help me understand the madness caused by the pandemic. I needed to find the meaning for why we were in so much pain.
My brother-in-law died from COVID in April, which was extremely painful for our family. It was a challenging time for everyone, and I wanted answers. I NEEDED answers.
My curious mind has always been a driving force for me and this time it was telling me to find out why I connected so strongly to the Devi Prayer song. I was not surprised to learn just how powerful its message is.
My intention is not to give you a word-by-word translation of the Hymn. It is more to share the essence of its underlying message. The Divine Mother encapsulates and expresses the sacredness of the divine feminine energy that impregnates the earth with life, beauty, and healing.
Before you read it, I will ask you to pause for a minute, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and look within yourself. Just for a moment, place all of your beliefs aside. Allow yourself to feel the song’s message. Pay attention to what it is saying to you deep within your soul. Let yourself be carried away by what your heart tells you.
Hymn to the Divine Mother
She is the holy spirit that has generated everything visible in the physical world; she is the matrix that gives life and is manifested in the heart and soul of each being.
All the earth is one with Her. All beings on earth owe their lives to her because she is the Mother of all, the one who generates and bestows all the gifts of life.
She does not discriminate; her gifts are given to the deserving and to those who do not deserve her, like the sun that does not choose on whom to radiate its light. Like the sun, she rises for everyone and everything.
The Divine Mother is everywhere. She manifests herself in the whole. She is the divine essence that lives within all beings and everything that exists. Her domain is the field of life itself because she is the one who gives the nectar of life to all beings.
Its beauty lies in the natural world, in all of nature, and encompasses the universe in all its splendor.
Many names have been given to her, and all traditions acknowledge her. She is life which is sacred, and this sacrament is represented by her, the holy Mother, who is the universal matrix.
She is the source of all blessings; she bestows the grace that fills life and gives life. We have not seen her in all her splendor and glory yet because she is covered with the mantle of silence and humility.
But she emerges now as part of the unit where she has always lived to fill us with blessings and grace to all the beings that are her children.
All those who prostrate themselves before her are sustained by the life that resides in them. By acknowledging it, you acknowledge the legacy of life. All who honor her are sustained by the very life that dwells within them and beyond themselves.
The purpose of our existence is to unite with life itself that inhabits all dimensions and all areas of being, regardless of creed, race, or skin color.
It is always with the Mother that our journey through life begins, and with her, our evolutionary journey begins, which unfolds as we take each step.
Because she is the fabric that produces time itself, she is the source by which all things reproduce and grow. It contains the model of our existence and is the template of life that resides within it.
She is the substance and form of all that is and will be. May we all be blessed with all the blessings of HER Divine Unity.
Breathe.
Discovering the presence of the Divine Mother in my own life through my mother:
As I read the words, I began to reflect on my relationship with my own mother. There is no question that our human Mother represents a strong archetype that derives from the divine Mother. So any conflict that we have with our mothers will have an impact on our relationships with others, especially women, and it will also impact how we see ourselves as women living in a patriarchal society.
Growing up, I never felt like I had any strong women that I could look up to as role models. Well at least that is what I told myself. In one way or another, all the women in my life were suffering from some form of abuse by a man, or they played a secondary, and subservient role to them.
The worst part for me was that they all seemed to be ok with playing this secondary role, and they were adamant about continuing these absurd traditions. This was definitely my mother’s attitude. Many times, she would cite Bible verses like this one from Paul to the Corinthians:
1 Corinthians 14:34-35, Paul wrote: “As in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. As the Law says, they are not allowed to speak but must be in submission.”
My mom insisted that women should be subjugated to their husbands and be silent, just like Paul had said. My mom was so convinced of this belief that she educated me and my sisters under the same principles.
But I refused to fall in line. I did not want to be like her. When I looked at my mother I saw her as being diminished and submissive, obedient and passive. To me there was nothing sacred about her role and these traditions she spoke about. To me these rules were unfair and stupid. I vowed never to follow them.
I can remember when I was 13 years old I started thinking that being a woman was a curse. And being molested had only made me hate myself more and fueled my disdain for submissive women and sick men.
“Growing up, I never felt like I had any strong women that I could look up to as role models.”
But something changed on that spring morning in May of 2020.
As I looked out my window, the circle tightened for me as I realized how wrong I had been about my mother.
She wasn’t diminished or weak like I had thought. My mother was, and still is, a warrior.
My mom gave life to 11 children, including me, and was also raising at least seven of my half brothers and sisters. One would think that would be enough to keep her busy, but my mom also made sure the daily operations of the farm were taken care of. She made sure that hundreds of people, including the employees who worked in the fields or the coffee harvest, were fed. She was the one who took care of making clothes for each child. As the song says, she was like the sun that rises for everyone.
My mom never slowed down or submitted herself like I had thought. Instead she was running a full operation. She was the boss lady! My mother had gained the respect of everyone in the community. She was well-read, educated, charismatic, generous and wise.
Looking at the situation with objectivity, her strength is what had allowed my father to become successful. Before her, he jumped from one woman to another and had more than one family. But with her, all of that messing around had stopped because she gave his life meaning. My father became a highly respected man in the community.
He had also become the center of my mother’s life and when he died, a part of her died with him.
I realized that what caused me the most pain was that she had chosen to let a part of her die with him. After my father died she became an absent mother. She no longer had the same joy in life, and that big smile that had once been her trademark was gone.
She became a heavy smoker, was stressed out about money, and was easily irritated over the smallest things. She became very unhappy and emotionally distant. She was so checked-out emotionally that I was sent to live with my sister. I felt abandoned by her and that is the image that I would carry with me for years.
”My mom never slowed down or submitted herself like I had thought. Instead she was running a full operation. She was the boss lady!”
So once again, on that rainy morning in May of 2020, while in deep meditation with the Devi prayer song playing in the background, I found myself transported back in time. I saw my mom back on the farm. She was in the middle of the field, wearing black pants and high boots with a floral blue bandana covering her hair – her nails painted red. She was giving orders, commanding the workers while asking one of my older sisters to check the kitchen for an update on the food she was preparing.
She looked radiant, energized, and confident. She was the boss and everyone there seemed to acknowledge her. Seeing my mom running the farm with such poise allowed me to see her through a new lens- and by seeing her, I saw myself and all the strong women who raised and shaped me into the woman I am today.
Sadly, my mom is now suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease and vaguely remembers her time back on the farm. But I would like to imagine that at some point my mom and dad will reunite, read this blog post, and find peace knowing that they both did the best they could with what they had.
Forgiving my mom and forgiving myself for resenting her all these years helped me to heal and to put myself back together again.
For the first time, I felt that I could finally let go of the sorrow I had carried around for years. It was liberating!
Today, I say thank you, mom! Thank you for your sacrifices. Thank you for working from sunrise to sunset creating a small empire with dad in the DR, for which you never took any credit.
Thank you for working in a factory for years in the US to continue supporting us after he died. Thank you for bringing me into this world and for molding me into the woman I am today.
I love you, Teonila… You are an exceptional representation here on earth of our collective archetypical blueprint of the Divine Mother. I love you, ma!
Honoring our mothers also means honoring ourselves. We will continue to empower other women to find their voices – to find our collective voice and change the world.
Today you shall reclaim your throne as a divine healing presence on this earth.
*A hymn to the Divine Mother, Devi Prayer is a peaceful track conducive to meditation and relaxation. Chanted in Sanskrit, this prayer is from the album “108 Sacred Names of the Divine Mother” by Craig Pruess and Ananda.
